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Gov. Shannon

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<004 Bless the Broken Road 004> [03 Dec 2012|04:37am]
[ mood | happy ]
[ music | ♪Rascal Flatts - Bless the Broken Road♪ ]

You can call me crazy.

I might be inclined depending on your tone to agree with you. There are things that I have done in my life and will do in my life that will not make sense to but a few. This is one of them. I want to explain the future but I am having a problem doing that clear enough so that even some of my close friends can understand the present. So let me start by going and shedding some light on my past.

I set out on a narrow way many years ago... )
Almost all little girls dream about the day they get married. I do not know at what age it starts but when those formative teen-aged dating years are upon us we are all thinking about the wedding, and what we will wear and how our imaginary future husbands will look and do for a living. I say almost all little girls because like in most things growing up, I did not fit in. I did not have visions of white dresses, white picket fences, and pink faced babies bouncing from my hip. I did not need that. All I wanted was someone who understood me and someone who loved just me. I saw what a good marriage should be from the example I had growing up watching my parents. I dated, and dated and dated. I gained more people who would turn into better friends then they had made as lovers. Still I dreamed about finding my other half out there.

Every long lost dream led me to where you are... )
In my search I thought a few times that I had found the right one. When I met Rich it was like the sun had finally come out for me. He was this amazing musician, kind and he swept me off my feet. When we got married I felt like it was the happiest day of my life. Then reality checked in. We did love each other but we did not understand each other. The love we had for one another was not like the passion we had for what we did. His passion was for music, mine was for wrestling. Maybe eventually it would have changed for me, but I was too far into wrestling to be a good wife to him. After Rich there was every ones lovable Second Saint. Here was a man whose passion was right in line with mine. Our first night meeting where he was scooping me into his arms after I took a pretty bad bump, I spent that night barely feeling the pain my body was in because I was talking to him all night long and felt something that left me on cloud nine. My head up in the clouds maybe that is why I did not see what was happening in front of me until it was too late. The is physical pain every last person who has laced up a pair of boots has felt it in some way, but the pain of a shattered and broken heart and spirit is nothing by comparison.

I think about the years I spent just passing through... )

I swore off love for a long time. I was happiest when I was with those people who are my friends. And looking back now I realize why I was happy because a friend loves unconditionally. No strings, demands, or complications. The past can not be changed but we can look back and learn from not just our own mistakes but the mistakes of others. It seems like so much wasted time where given the chance I would maybe change some things, but then again I would not be able to appreciate all that I am and have today. I went from loving a friend to being in love with my friend the whole while wanting his happiness even if it meant for us remaining just best friends.

Every long lost dream led me to where you are... )
What I have today it does not make sense to a lot of my friends. And as much as I have tried to explain it to them personally and here I know that my words just fall short. There are people who are supportive, for that I am grateful. To the ones who do not get it and think that I am crazy know this: You can call me crazy, but I am far from it. This whole bumpy road that Dan and I both have traveled has led up to this point. There is nothing about him that I do not understand and know. When you know someone like we know each other sometimes you do not have to speak a worth, the truth is just known. For this man I have threatened to bodily harm to people I generally like and would do it again if that meant keeping him whole. Plainly said, I love him and would walk through hell and back because for the person that he is he deserves no less than that.

I just married one of my very best friends, and I vow to love him until the sun falls down into the sea. Be that today, tomorrow or years from now.

Crazy? No, just love.

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